BENIGN { ONE WORD, SO SIMPLE, SOOOO HAPPY } That one word says it all. My results say "no malignancy found 100% benign growth" I was told by my local doctor when I had my stitches out. Haven't spoken to my surgeon yet and don't see him for 2 weeks but don't care. I'm sooooo happy, sooooo relieved and really going to enjoy life more now. Funny how a scare does that to you. My doctor thinks they will just leave the cyst now as they have drained it so I could keep my ovary and hopefully it won't come back. Benign! Wow as I said before how lucky am I. I didn't tell you but I was wheeled into the theatre at 9.10 in the morning thinking at least I will be done quick and don't have to sit around.Well they put in in the room just outside the theatre and we waited. And waited and each nurse that waited with me said I don't know what the hold up is. Won't be long I told myself. HMM At 11.15 the next patient gets wheeled in next to me. We'd been chatting earlier while we got signed in.Geez you look great she said. "I haven't been in yet I said" Well she nearly died. I finally went in at 11.50 with lots of time to look at that white painted wall, trying not to be cold sitting there looking glorious with with leg warmers wrapped around each leg pumping up and down to keep the circulation going. I have never done so much thinking by myself those few hours . I told myself how I was really going to enjoy things more, especially my boys and take more time for myself. And that's what I'm going to do. I feel fantastic today and life is great. Hope your day is as good as mine (smiles)

OHH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU SO {make that ouch} Yes I am still here. For days now I've been longing to get on here and read what you've all been up to. Can't believe how much I missed you all. The last two days that was my mission but I just couldn't get up, so sore, so VERY sore. Well they couldn't take the growth without taking the whole ovary as it was to complicated. So I've been told while I was high as a kite on morphine, falling asleep then asking another question. Apparently they've taken a biopsy of it which will take about 14 days for results. I have to see the surgeon again in a month to see what happens next. I'm so hopping it's nothing and it can be left inside the ovary without bother. Just don't want to have to go through this again and I know my doctor definitely didn't want to take my ovary out if he didn't have to, being that I only have one. For all of you who've had stomach surgery you know what I'm talking about when I say I feel 9 months prego. My tummy is so blow up with all that gas so they can look at what they need to. Bother them!! Oh the pain of it all!!!! Anyway thank you so much for all you comments left. They really do brighten up a day, even on a good one. The boys have been great this past week. No fights or wrestles or anything. I've come to the conclusion that it's because I'm sitting around just being with them instead of rushing through the next job we have to tackle. It has been nice to sit back and have longer than usual to chat with each of them. Chayse keeps comming over and massaging my hair, Brodie is very concerned about my dressings etc telling me to call him when they need changing, Logan likes to snuggle with me getting his pillow and blanket out to keep me company and Parker is Parker always by my side or right behind. He's been very entertaining dancing for me as you'll see below. My mum has been a god sent being here all week to pick the boys up from school etc and just keep me company and that wonderful hubby of mine runs on energizer batteries never getting tired. He leaves at 5.30 in the morning then comes in at 7.15 to get the kids up and ready for school before going back to his busy day at 9. So lucky am I... Wonderful parents, wonderful friends (who send THE most beautiful flowers), wonderful boys and wonderful hubby (who right now has all the boys at Giggle and Bounce Playcentre so I have time to rest)............... WHO can rest when there's blogging to catch up on though!!!!!!!!!!! Love to all, hope this finds you and yours all well and that you are all having a chilaxing day. (relaxing and chilling out)

THE BUTTERFLIES ARE A FLOATIN'...

You know that awful feeling you get when you know something is comming up and you try to put it out of your mind. I've been like that for several weeks now but the date is nearing and so are those damn butterflies of nerves.

Aug. 26th, this time in one week I will be on the operating table. Just the thought of another op annoys me. I have a 4cm growth in my left ovary. Funny I should be classing it as left or right because I don't have a right one. I had to have that one removed many years ago with a cyst the size of a small orange.

I've since had my left ovary anchored down as it kept twisting around causing me great pain. It was hoped that when they stitched it on either side it would be fine. I'm told this is common after years of IVF but question it as my other cyst was before we started with all that. Anyway this 4cm growth isn't just fluid filled it has a tissue of some type in it so must be investigated further. They will try to disect it from the ovary and remove it first but if not possible the whole ovary will be taken. I feel far to young to have to start hormone replacements but will have no choice if it comes to that. Perhaps it's for the best with the trouble these ovaries give me. Between me and the boys we've seen our fair share of operating theaters so this had better be the end of it.

I guess the nerves are just getting to me today hoping the tissue is nothing bad. Feeling rather run down with a cold and just need to get on top of it all so the op can go ahead. Another early night would be good if only I could sleep!!

{A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPY} I have a wall in my home that is my all time favorite. I think because it has us all together. The top row of photos on my wall (click to enlarge as per usual) is the exact ages all my boys were when we had Parker. It is my completed family of boys. Chayse~Brodie~Logan~Parker. {and mum and dad of course} Yes Dani that's right I have included a photo of myself this time!! This wall makes me smile everytime I walk in and look at it.It's my little bit of happy. It' s hard though when my gorgeous friend Cassie is a photographer and keeps twisting my arm to take more shots. Yes we are booked in for a family photo in September.

But for now these are Logan and mums snap shots on a very early morn. He is my budding photographer!!

MY TIGER So the school rings to tell me that Brodie has a scratch and can they apply some Betadine to it. No problems I say that's fine, no big deal. 10 minutes later, phone rings again. "I think you should come up here as he's quite upset saying it's stinging" Wake the other two boys and off we set. I nearly died when I saw this "scratch". He looked like he'd been attacked by a tiger. Brod just burst into tears when I got there and said he'd run into a tree playing chasey. The cut across the throat was quiet deep so he was really lucky. I think some tree branches at the school might need cutting back though!

ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE HIM I have a very talented hubby really. He made us all hardwood beds, paved all our outdoor area, built the boys tree house and lately just finished my court yard wall. We have a weird design in our house. You may have notice that the middle of our house is an opened court yard. I love the fact that I have a house with a full square of tiled area running around the middle. I call it my walking track as stupid as it sounds but yes I really do walk around it. Hey when you have 4 little kids and can't walk on a busy road with them all what's a girl to do. They'd watch their tv show while mum did laps around with her music on. Well talented hubby has just finished stone bricks on one wall as a feature and I love it. Now I just have to get my handy brothers here as they do rendering and painting then I won't have blue walls outside anymore.

SMILES {FOR HOLIDAYS} We had a nice few days away with lots of smiley moments. Just getting away for a few days the boys think they've been on some huge holiday. SMILES for family time, SMILES for Disney on Ice, SMILES for Luna Park {even if there were too many people there, note to self: don't attempt that one again on school holidays} and SMILES for great accomodation and spa baths.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY {but that smile doesn't fool me} The baby of the family turned 3 today. Mum of course was hoping for instant overnight cure of tantrums. No such luck as Master Parker let me know. He started off the day with a beauty and ended with another after his brothers were picked up from school because he wanted to get out of his car seat. Oh boy !!! We have a love hate relationship at the moment. It can only get better. I've always said the 2's were nothing on the 3's but Parker managed to push the limits during his 2nd year and looks like continuing. Fingers crossed he loves me by 4. Happy Birthday gorgeous Boy. {and please treat your mumma well as you'll always be my baby}. XXX Gotta go and play Tickle Monster to a certain 3 year old who thinks he's sneaking up on mum!!

{Stealing mums cakes after my bath. Thought no one was watching}

AREN'T BIG BROTHERS THE BEST... Being an eldest child myself I'm rather mothering to my younger brothers. I can now see Chayse delighting in being the one the others run to. Wether it's Logan wanting to play, Parker racing to Chayse for protection after his bath so mum won't put his pyjamas on or Brodie just being the usual side kick. It does warm my heart to see them close.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DREAM COME TRUE

Sunday the 6th of July was my eldests 8th Birthday.Chayse Alan-John (AJ after his 2 pops). We've been away for a wonderful family break to celebrate hence this post is late.

My Dearest Chayse,

You are my everything! You will never know the love you bought to my life. After years of IVF and many tears your father and I had virtually given up and were so over the roller coaster road. We didn't know what else to do. We only knew we wanted you. We woke up one morning in Penang on a holiday, looked at each other and just cried. No words were needed, we were

exhasted from wanting a baby.

After many more attempts one day I had the surprise of my life. I was expecting and found out just before I had to be at work. I waited all day to tell your dad. I wrapped up a babies bib that said "I LOVE DADDY." Your dad cried and smiled sooooo much when he realise. I will never forget it.The pure joy and excitement we had can't be put into words. We had never been happier than on that day (of course until we met you.) You amaze me, inspire me and dazzle me daily. You are the most kind hearted child who would give away anything to make others happy and go without yourself.

I'm so proud to be your mum and know that you will grow to be the most beautiful person because of your generous nature.

Thank you honey for making my life what it is those 8 years ago.

See I told you that night you were so special and that you were going to have a wonderful life.

Happy Birthday my sweet darling heart and dads AJ.

We love you bigger than the world

Love mum XXX

FOR THE LOVE OF THOSE CUDDLES AND KISSES Isn't it sad when the baby of the family needs to be treated like an older child as much as us mums want them to stay cute and cuddly. I'm finding myself taking so many more photos of Parker while he's at that stage. I guess I just want to hold onto it forever when I should be moving to the next stage. You'd think I'd be happy about no more nappies and baby stages but it's actually {almost} sad. {and no that doesn't make me want to go and have a 5th}......

Cuddles for Logan

and Kisses for Mum.

THE JOY OF WASHING DIRTY DISHES

What seems like an eternity ago when Logan was in hospital 4 hours away from home I sat next to him with a dream. Many cuddles back when it was him and I toughing it out for months on end I prayed to be able to go home and wash those dirty dishes. My back ached from sitting in that bedside chair, I was incredibly tired and run down and ached every single day to take him home to his brothers. I wanted to do the normal things, like wash the boys dirty dishes. Yes we have a dishwasher but I wanted to stand at the sink and wash.

I did that one weekend. It was the toughest weekend of my life. I needed to cuddle my other boys and have a nights sleep without alarms for medication going off all night. Tough because I left him there and travelled the 4 hours home. I stood and washed those dishes vowing to never take another day for granted. This was a gift that some parents can't do because their children never leave the hospital so they too stay, for the love of their child. I washed my kids clothes, hung it out and appreciated the everyday things with my family.

Looking back Logan was so sick when I returned I still feel guilty leaving for that night. His little body was full of infections and he had to have a line put straight to his heart because they'd used every other vein for drips. He was on 7 different antibiotics. We almost lost him but he battled through it all. Today he bought me his usual handful of flowers and I did the dishes and loved life.

Thanks Logan, "Love you bigger than the world"

ON A PEDESTAL

I love watching (and listening) to the excitement the boys still get when their dad comes home at the end of the day. It's the same at lunch time to. They all run to the door like little puppies yelling "Dads home, dads home"

They love him so and place him on the highest pedestal. Likewise for him I know. He places them before all else and always ALWAYS makes time for whatever they want to do.

BESTest FRIENDS This is Brock, Logans best best friend in life. These two munchkins were destined to be friends even before birth. Brocks mum and I worked together and had our first babies together. Sadly Cassies little boy Jesse was born with Downs Syndrome and she didn't know. He is doing fantastic and is such a credit to her. She is the strongest person I know. Logan and Brock were born at the same time and featured in our local baby page together. Brock takes Logan for who he is and loves him soooo. They are such a delight to watch together. They race to each other and just cuddle and giggle like little girls when in each others company. Cassie called in yesterday and we found them snuggled on the couch together so of course I had to get the camera out.

may you find the little paths bright with birdsong, hedged with flowers that others never see.

Happy Birthday To You (and those pearly white teeth)

Last night after Brodie hastily brushed his teeth we told him to go back and do them properly. I mentioned to him that on the Oprah show (so it's gospel) that you should brush your teeth for as long as it would take you to sing the song Happy Birthday. That was fine, so once we cleared up that you need to brush for about that long he decided he'd go and do them again. Corey and I were in the kitchen when we hear a muffled Happy Birthday to me while brushing his teeth. Next minute Logan started his verse. We laughed so much at what we were hearing. They obviously don't know how to sing in their head yet!!! What a treasure you are Brodie.

HE HAD THAT WINNING FEELING (Little smarty pants)

Best mates Chris, Brodie and Joel

For many weeks now we've all listened to Brodie explain to us how he was going to win the cross country, how he would pace himself and how he'd sprint to the finish. He's told us how the grade two kids at school talk about him and say "man that kids quick". We of course have spent many a night saying don't be too cocky someone out there will beat you. We tried to put him in his place as he oozes with confidence. You see Brodie is so confident that I am scared of the things he thinks he can do as he gets older. He's one of those kids that everything comes naturally and nothing is to hard. He even wants to do more and more homework everynight. BUT he does hate being beaten at anything and can turn the tears on instantly to make you feel sorry for him.

Well he tries to achieve that.

He was bragging so much the other night while having a turn on the X box game that Corey got on and beat him 3 times in a row. On purpose we all congratulated Dad that he'd won and Brodie came second. The arguements came left right and centre and Brodie had an excuse for every game he lost. Corey and I were laughing so much about it in the end Brodie stormed off in tears half trying not to laugh knowing he'd been beaten. Well he came first place in the schools Cross country (that's him in the blue). Right from the start he lead and I just knew he was going to be winning when they turned that last corner into the parents view. His best mates also got 2nd and 3rd placings.

I must admit I was happy for him as he walked away gracefully and didn't brag. I was also SO VERY PROUD of Chayse though. He always says he's no good at anything and I was so hoping he'd go OK. He finished 20th so we were so happy for him to. Last year he was 36th so that was a big achievement.

He was proud of himself to so that made my day.